Columnist, Amaka Nicholas of the popularAmaka’s Diary section in a Nigerian daily has delved into the issue of cheating in a relationship and she focuses on the reasons why women cheat on their men.
According to her, the reasons why women cheat are simply because most men don’t take the time to understand their partners and get to know what pleases them or what bother them. The moment a 3rd party is giving them the needed attention, then cheating will surely set in.
Infidelity amongst married women is on all time high. Many women are cheating on their partners these days. While some are already physically digging it, others will soon join the league.
From a distance, most couples seem happy, or at least content, busy doing family things, with cute kids, good jobs, beautiful houses, cars, busy social lives, matching outfits etc, but things are not as they seem.
On the surface, some husbands may appear very reasonable, and their marriages very happy. Some women don’t often seem angry, discontent or resentful, so, what is the problem?
What exactly is happening in marriages these days that is driving women into other men’s arms? There must be something our married men are not doing right.
People have affairs because they are looking for something lacking in their marriages as experience has shown that affairs are sometimes caused by problems in marriages.
Motivations to cheat differ by gender, while men are most likely searching for more sex and are less likely to fall in love with their side chics, women are looking to fill an emotional void and tend to have an emotional connection with their secret lovers.
Women are more likely to have an affair because of loneliness. A woman’s motivation for infidelity is more than sexual. Although some women have affairs just for the sex, in general, women’s motivation isn’t just about sex.
Some likely reasons for women’s infidelity include revenge, boredom, sex addiction, periods of vulnerability, frustration, life changes, being under appreciated or belittled by their spouses, you are her first and now she wants to explore.
Most men are busy chasing after money daily and in the midst of all the running around, the attention and affection for their women has reduced drastically.
She feels lonely. He’s gone all day, weeks or even months, just a few calls or text messages, and when he calls it’s just to ask after the kids or dish one or two instructions.
There is no emotional connection whatsoever, she feels undesired, unheard or just unhappy. So, she starts looking for excitement outside, because she no longer feels close to him, and she feels she’s being taken for granted. She becomes an easy prey for men who would look into her eyes and make her feel special again.
It is also fair to note that some women almost have it all, love their husbands and want their marriages intact, but the qualifier for their infidelity is that it makes them become a different person entirely, they feel lighter and happier.
It is more like “I’m doing this for me”, desire for self-actualization and not because their husbands neglected them or did them wrong in any way. They stray because they are dissatisfied with who they have become, rather than being unhappy with their partners.
It is sad that technology has made cheating easier today. It is easy to connect with people and these apps hide, encrypt or delete messages and pictures on phones, making it easier for cheats to cover their tracks.
Technology didn’t spoil women. It’s just that it came at a time women were already reaching out, taking sexual risks and exploring on taking back control from years of suppression and oppression.
If you don’t listen to your woman, you openly berate her, almost physically aggressive, or constantly making overt threats or giving ultimatums, you might lose her.
If you belittle, control, dominate and emotionally manipulate her to a point she has lost herself; isolating her from friends and family, criticizing and ridiculing her even on insignificant things, you are pushing her into the arms of men who will treat her right.
If you overreact, get jealous, make baseless accusations and monitor her movements, my brother, you should be worried because she’s either already cheating on you or she’s about to, be it sexual or emotional cheating.
And guess what? That man she’s talking to knows your weaknesses and he’s capitalizing on it. Very soon, he is already or will soon become her secret lover.
She will start giving it to him cheerfully. In fact, all the styles she’s scared to explore with you, she will practise with him and he will start getting the best of her. Imagine a happy woman in bed with a man that allows her be the best version of herself, giving him mind blowing orgasms that should strictly be yours.
Before you go calling her all the unprintable names there is, just look inwards. You may have driven your woman into another man’s arms, even when she knows and feels guilty for cheating on you. She would rather risk it and be happy, even if it’s in secret and shortlived, than remain faithful to you yet under-appreciated and miserable.
Blame yourself sir, be ashamed and accept responsibility for pushing a good woman away, swallow your pride and forgive her. Learn how to love and make your woman remain faithful, it’s no rocket science.